Adventure with Baba

Well, the recommended pizza joint got misplaced. After searching for about 40 minutes (on foot) we ended up asking the local police men where the pizza parlor was. They sent us to what turned out to be Papa John's Pizza in the mall. Wanting to try the local cuisine we went to Family Chinese Restaurant. That pretty much turned out to be a bust. They didn't have much of anything the kids would eat. They only had ONE hot dog,which as soon as we cut it, S dropped her half on the floor. What ever I ordered basically consisted of duck skin and bones in Chili Sauce. Then we were charged for an extra meal. We were very very disappointed. 

To ensure the evening wasn't a total loss we stopped in a Dairy Queen on the way back to the hotel. About the time we finished ordering Shakes, J told me she had to go. "Heather", "she has to go", I say. Her response was "what do you want me to do about it"? Isn't it obvious I wanted her to take J to the bathroom? Well, being the awesome Dad that I am, I picked up J, ran down the halls following the very very misleading restroom signs only to find out that R was trailing me. She pointed out that she had to go too. BONUS! 

Today is my lucky day. So, we finally find the dumb place and I send R off into the womens and I take J into the mens. I find an open stall and walk in only to find out it's a 'squatty', BONUS II ! 

 So, J does her business while I hold her up, hoping she doesn't fall into the hole in the middle of the floor. Mission accomplished! I get J's hands washed and we walk out. R was standing on the outside of the mens room and I asked her if everything was alright. She says, "NO DADDY, IT'S A SQUATTY, I NEED HELP" BONUS III ! 

So now I am in a 1' x 2' cubical trying to hold R up so she can do her business while balancing Johanna on one knee only to find out that we are now going #2. Bonus IV ! 

So now I find myself holding, balancing and digging thru the back pack trying to find 'the wipes'. THIS IS NOT A MANS JOB! LISTEN, WE MEN DON'T MIND GETTING DIRTY, THAT'S WHAT WE DO. HOWEVER ALL THIS BALANCING, HOLDING, DIGGING, WIPING STUFF WE ARE NOT DESIGNED FOR. 

fyi. The kids lived, I never want to talk to Heather again. We make it back as she asks if "everything is okay"? Instead of telling her how I really feel, I sit down and drink my now melted Blizzard...