Your love and support through this journey has meant more to
us than you could ever know. We feel so
blessed and honored that God would call us to this journey, and we are glad to
have you all holding our hands along the way! It is almost time for us to come
home, and we would like to give you an honest idea of what to expect. We also want to let you know about what our
family will be going through.
What this will be
like for Johanna Lisha:
Unlike bringing a newborn home, Johanna already has a view
of the world. Before she left the
orphanage, she already knew from where she would get her meal, how it would be
presented to her, who would clean her, change her, and be the source of her
care. She already had friends, had
favorite toys, and had shared laughs with her peers. Her life may not have been ideal to this
point, but it has been HER life. She has
learned to cope with an unnatural situation of not having parents. She didn’t even realize she was “coping” with
anything, though. This was just life as
she knew it.
While we have had years to prepare for our new addition,
only your prayers and what little the orphanage caregivers were able to do have
helped Johanna prepare. At her age, her
caregivers may have not fully gotten across to her that those people in the
pictures she was given are her new parents.
She’s never even understood what parents are. For almost every day of
her life, she slept in the same spot and stared at the same ceiling when she
was trying to fall asleep. She had only
ridden in a car a few times. She had probably seen some of her friends leave the
orphanage, but never quite understood why they didn’t return. This new shift in her reality is
monumental. What was the happiest day
for us was to her a traumatic day.
Because of the trauma she has faced and the need to heal
those wounds, life for the Dismuke family will be…let’s just call it
weird. We will go through some details
about this weirdness in the remainder of this post.
First, we want you to know that this is only a season. Lord-willing it will be a short season
followed by a much, much longer season of quasi-normalcy. Also, please understand that we are leaning
on YEARS of expert opinions on adoption; some by professional experts, some by
friends who’ve adopted even from the same orphanage. It may not make sense to you, and that’s okay. We want your support, and part of earning
that support is helping you understand, so questions
are always okay!
What to expect when
we come home:
We are excited to meet family and friends at the airport
(our airport party). We welcome anyone
who wants to be there! “Welcome Home”
signs, taking pictures and making video would be a great blessing to us!
We hope that our flight will be relatively uneventful, and
that we will have been able to sleep.
However, even at its best, it will be a tough trip. We will have spent around 24 hours in
airplanes and airports by the time we land in the Bluegrass.
We will be very tired when we come home. It is a 13 hour time difference from China to
Central time. We anticipate jet lag for
us and for Johanna for the first 2 weeks home.
Our approach to the
first few months home:
We do ask that you
don't ask to hold her or give her anything at the airport. If you have special gifts, we can save those
for later. We feel that it would be best
to wait for other gifts (or give them to us, and we will give them to Johanna
once we are home).
Remember, while Johanna is only 3 feet tall, she is 6 years
old and should not be picked up.
This will be her first taste of “foreigners” en masse. As of now, these “foreigners” have been the
minority. Every outing we have here in China she sees
people groups she expects to see. Things
you may not even think are scary may scare her.
After the airport, we're going to try to lay low for a
while. In the adoption community it is
called cocooning.
We understand that this is going to be hard for you guys and
for us. However, we are trusting all of
the attachment/adoption experts on this.
We will focus our time on connecting as a family of five.
It will take time for her to understand that we are her
parents now. We are starting at a place
where she has no concept of parents or family.
Also our parenting will look very different. She has lived her life, up until this point,
in an orphanage. She has shared a room
with around 10 other kids, and she has had to do what has been necessary to
survive and to thrive. Once we are home,
helping her find security in her new family (mommy, daddy & sisters) is
very important to her attachment in the long run.
What do we mean by attachment? There are many articles and
studies and professionals who can speak to this; but for a child who has
experienced loss, finding a secure place is very important. Even if she is very
happy and energetic, at the core she is still not sure what is going on yet.
For her to thrive she needs to know that we will take care of her. She needs to
know that she doesn't have to charm her way into being fed or getting a toy or
being held. She needs to know that she
can give up her survival mode.
As infants, our girls figured that out, on their own, very
quickly. We were purposeful about getting them used to lots of people who fed
them, cared for them, and gave them things.
Well, with adoption, it's backwards.
So, we don't want anyone to have their feelings hurt or feel
that we are keeping her from all of you. Everyone in our family &
community has been a huge part of this journey!
From helping us financially and physically to helping us emotionally and
spiritually, we are grateful for you.
So, we are asking you to join us on the second part of this
journey. This isn't the glamorous
part. This is when we parent and love
and grow into a forever family with a new child who has come from a hard
place. The reality of her past doesn't
go away, even when she maintains a playful disposition.
What you can do:
*Please allow us to give her food, take her to the bathroom,
hand her toys, food, and anything else she needs. It is important that we are the only ones to
meet her needs (ALL of her needs) at this time.
*If she reaches for you, please go ahead and smile at her
and point to us.
*Please don't give her any gifts at this time. If you want
to give her something so she knows it is from you, you can hang on to it, and
we will let you know when it is appropriate to start giving her gifts. If you do have a special gift that you want
her to have now, you can give it to us, and we will give it to her at home.
*Please pay special attention to our girls. They will need
lots of extra attention. Their world is
changing too!
*Please feel free to bring meals, call or text to check up
on us, or anything else you would normally do for a family that has just added
a child. Just bear with us and
understand that we will need to limit visits to very short/front door
meetings. (This will keep Johanna from
getting confused and/or nervous with lots of people coming in and out of the
house as she has severe stranger anxiety.
Again, we will be focusing on teaching her who our immediate family is.)
We know that this is a lot to ask. And we know this is going
to be hard for the first few months. It's going to have to come at a slower
pace. We have been taught that if a child connects more with someone else,
rather than the parents, in the first few months, it can delay their attachment
by months. So, we are grateful that you all understand and are going to allow
us to have a different approach for a few months.
As her parents, we have to make the best decision for her
and help her to thrive in the best way possible. We really appreciate all of your support in
this adjustment. Thank you for loving
us, giving us so much grace, and being with us through all of this. We invite
you to the next phase with us!
We don't know exactly how long this will take; but we've
been advised to cocoon (lay low) for the first three months home. So, that's where we will start. It is really going to depend on Johanna, and
how she adapts. We will be following her
queues. Please keep praying for us! We will be posting updates on the blog and
sharing on Facebook.
Please feel free to message us or ask us if you have any
questions on attachment or cocooning. We
aren't sure how crazy things will be; but we promise to be open and
honest. We appreciate all of your grace
during this next phase.
Love,
Michael and Heather
ps...we should be at LEX at 940am from DTW on the 28th, if there are any changes please check the facebook page as we cannot up date the blog of last minute changes.
ps...we should be at LEX at 940am from DTW on the 28th, if there are any changes please check the facebook page as we cannot up date the blog of last minute changes.
